Last weekend I started to fear the extent of damage I did to my feet and whether or not they’d fully recover since it’s nerve damage. Below is the wisdom my Aunt Betty gave me. I tried to write it in her words as closely as possible.
You can’t run from the Lord. You have rebellion inside. When you follow it, things go wrong. My prayer is that you learn from it. Beg the Lord for an obedient heart. You have to get stronger, so you really trust God and you don’t put all your energies into anxiety. Get your focus off of the thing. Get your focus back on God.
It’s much easier to handle suffering if you focus on God, but instead you focus more into the suffering. As you look at God, He helps carry you through it. When you go into the rebellion, you don’t get carried through. It’s a rougher trip.
So much of what you suffer, you suffer ahead of time by being anxious about it, and then it doesn’t happen that way. Learn how to trust God and stay in the present moment. Let go of the need to control. “Lord, help her learn that she’s increasing her suffering by the way she handles things.” You run ahead instead of trusting Him. You’d avoid more suffering if you’d stay in the moment. Fear only glorifies Satan. You don’t want to do that. There’s no future in it. It’s a matter of mistrust. That hurts the Lord very much.
I’m getting an image of you saying, “What if.” That’s what you do. You go into the “what ifs,” and then you conclude that you are not going to be able to handle it. But, you’re suffering all that time because you just know it’s going to come and then I watch and a lot of times it doesn’t even come. Satan is having fun torturing you and you’re cooperating. When you’re in that place, I try to tell you, but you don’t listen, frankly. It’s a matter of trust. Pray, “Lord, forgive me for my rebellion and mistrust.”
Beg the Lord for a more obedient heart, and stop making excuses for not trusting Him. You have a part that wants to escape pain. It rebels against the Lord showing you the way. You act as though you don’t trust the Lord to come to your aid. It’s a bad habit. If you smell suffering ahead, you work yourself up, and so you are going to suffer. Be obedient in the present moment. Ask the Lord to show you why you keep adding to your suffering. It’s part of your attempt to be in control. You lack trust. You can’t wait for others because you want to do it right. Ask Mary to help you trust Jesus.
Learn to let go. Don’t focus on the suffering. Instead, take the energy back and give it to the Lord. Stay attentive to what games you’re playing. This isn’t getting you anywhere. You’ll move faster towards the Lord when you learn how to refuse the habit of self-pity. Say, “No, I’m not going down that way again.” You need to be master of where you put your energy and focus. Don’t let it be stolen by the perfectionist.
Does the Lord want to give you a gift here? Work with Him to release whatever gift. You can’t afford the luxury of self-pity because it holds you back. It doesn’t contribute anything. Pray, “Help me recognize when I start down that path.” It’s a bad habit you slip into. Use your energy to cry out to Lord instead. It’s a choice.
When the Lord shows you areas that need work, thank Him. These are powerful inner choices we make in our life. We think pain comes from others, but pain comes from the choices we make. We feel sorry for ourselves and that makes it worse. Then, we get mad at God because we are praying. God wants to help but going into self-pity is focusing on self. What we need to do is focus on God. Pray and ask God to help you have an obedient heart.
I have the prayer my aunt wrote called “Prayer of the Obedient Heart” posted on my blog.