This is from a spiritual direction session I had with my Aunt Betty a long time ago. I was lamenting a bad decision I made that cost me a lot financially.
Sometimes we have a hard time forgiving ourselves for what we see as a bad decision. We have anger at ourselves, which can keep us awake. If we accept our human condition, then we’d be able to relax and let go. Sometimes we can abuse ourselves, and then it comes out at other people. The root cause is lack of forgiveness for ourselves.
Ask God to give you His grace to be able to forgive yourself. There’s a lot of resentment that can get stored up against ourselves. Sit in Adoration and beg for a miracle of forgiveness and letting go of resentment. When we hold resentment, rage, and anger inside, it steals our peace.
Am I the judge or is Jesus? I’m holding judgment over myself and that increases my anger. We can cry out to God. God wants to use our common sense. “Lord, help me to see myself as you see me.” In his mercy, He can see the goodness and effort in me. I can’t because I’m judging myself.
“Lord, help me to have your view of who I am, because You can forgive me.” Whenever we expect perfection, we will work ourselves up into being angry. Pray for the grace to accept that you are imperfect. Pray for a compassionate heart. Unconsciously, if we don’t own our faults then we will project them into others. You have to have a scapegoat if you don’t want to see your own faults.
Ask the Lord for the spirit of joy. Give over to the Lord your heavy heart. Ask Him to help you have the faith to believe that He can make a difference. Give Him your feelings of helplessness.