I wrote this at a time, when I was feeling angry that God wasn’t giving me relief.
Betty: Stop and let that sink in. Then tell God you’re sorry that you acted angry. Your inner child is in rebellion against God. I hear this part of you that’s like, “You have all this power God. You could make a difference if you wanted to.“ Part of you is in rebellion against God. Your Perfectionist gives more credence to her feelings than to her faith. That part doesn’t believe God is always seeking our good. If you truly believed God is goodness and the perfection of love, then you’d never feel He was crushing you.
Crushing is from the dark one. Satan has told many people who listen to their feelings that God is crushing them. Can you pray, “Lord, give me the grace to believe that you desire our good and that you don’t enjoy the suffering we’re going through.” We can ask God to carry us for a while and throw ourselves on the mercy of God rather than go into rebellion. “Lord, please give me your strength, so I can be faithful to you and not give into my weakness. I’m not going to be able to do this without your strength. Come Lord Jesus. This is difficult for me. You are my hope and my strength. Help me hang in there and give glory to You.” Cry out to the Lord for mercy.
Rather than getting angry, we can let our feelings become a prayer, and then maybe all these things will turn out better. If we cooperate, maybe the Lord will bring about a resolution earlier, because we will have gotten the lesson. We can pray that we can keep away from the childish rebellion we are tempted to go into. Say instead, “Not my will, but Thine be done. Lord, you are our hope. Of ourselves, we can’t be faithful. Save us from our weaknesses and rebelliousness. Flood us with your love, strength, and goodness.”
It’s important to have a grateful heart. When we are down, we have to go out of our way to see where God is hearing our prayers. Thank God for answered prayers. St. Bonaventure exclaimed, “Do you want to keep growing from virtue to virtue, from grace to grace? Then meditate daily on the Passion of our Redeemer.” The soul that meditates daily on the Passion is filled with love and gratitude and engenders real repentance for one’s sins. It detaches us from earthly things and turns us away from sin, which cannot coexist with this holy meditation. It arouses great longings for perfection and strengthens the soul in her sorrows. It makes her generous in sacrifice and increases sanctifying grace day by day.